05 February 2017

Scaring Bad Boys

On the topic of “Shotgun Dads” trying to scare their daughters’ dates or boyfriends, Scott wrote: 
    Set aside all the stuff you tell yourself and probably your wife about “traditional values and gender roles” or whatever. You cannot, in todays world seriously plan on carrying out any of these threats. You are puffing out your chest to “scare” off the “bad” boys, who know you are full of crap.He’s right. And if the date in question really is a bad boy this attitude is helpful to him for a couple reasons. First of all, any girl who is entertaining a bad boy is expressing to her father that his approval is meaningless. Attempts to warn off a bad boy heighten the stakes of the game she is playing. The most likely outcome is that she will do more with the bad boy, and sooner. Second, bad boys don’t want permission. They are planning to leave after they’ve had their fun any way. A father who falsely threatens is dancing to the same song as the bad boy. 
The best foil to the plans of bad boys and the girls who want them is to trap them in forced commitment. If only someone had thought of that. 
    16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. 17 If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins.
Alternatively, we could look to the New Testament for a solution:
“A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood.”
Threatening bad boys with a shotgun is foolish because it doesn’t address the root of the problem.  It’s the girl who is foolish and short-sighted, and the only solution to that problem is to let her find out firsthand why it is foolish and short-sighted to date bad boys.  So, give her your blessing and tell her that she should move out and live with him.  Hopefully she’ll come to her senses sooner rather than later.

Obviously, this isn’t a neat or easy solution, nor is it guaranteed to work, as she may ultimately being given over to uncleanness and lust.  However, if your daughter grows up and dates bad boys, you’ve already had a long string of small failures as a father, so all that’s left is an extreme, last ditch effort to impress upon her the wrongness of her choice.  In the end, a daughter that dates bad boys is proof that you’ve (likely) been extremely negligent as a father and you’ve been focused on the wrong thing.  At this point, all that you can do is abandon her and leave her to her own devices because that’s what you’ve been doing all along.

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