08 February 2012

Where Are All the Good Men?

Some Evangelichick named Ruthie Dean has a question:

The resounding question I hear from many single women today is: “Where have all the good men gone?”

And what, exactly, prompted this question:

“Wanna grab a burrito 2nite?”
The melody of the Atlanta symphony’s instruments flowed through the auditorium. I didn’t have high expectations for dating at 23, but a text containing the word burrito wasn’t exactly what I had in mind (and with 1 hour notice). I liked him, but couldn’t escape the mental picture of showing up in a swanky outfit to an establishment where my entrance would be announced in a jubilee of “Welcome to Moe’s!”

Somehow, I doubt this complaint would have been voiced if the guy asking her was the 26-year-old guitar-playing youth group leader.  You know, the one with the menacing tattoo that ever-so-slightly peeks out from under his polo sleeve, letting you know that he has a dark past that’s fortunately behind him.  Obviously, this girl is complaining about a beta.

And not only is she complaining about a beta, she’s complaining about a beta who has the temerity to want to spend time with her (note:  the horror!).  And on short notice to boot.  What an inconsiderate lout.

I’m not sure what evangelichicks have been reading (not the Bible—zing!) that has caused them to think that every date has to be mind-blowingly awesome and exceed every possible and impossible expectation.  I’m not sure how to break the news to these hopeless romantics, but here in the adult world, not all time spent together is just one glamorous moment after another.  In fact, a lot of it is mundane.  Indeed, that’s what a good portion of marriage (or, more appropriately, life) consists of:  lots and lots of mundane moments punctuated occasionally by extremely emotional moments.

Thus, Ruthie Dean’s real problem is that she suffers from unrealistic expectations.  She’s dating a human being who she “likes” (read: a nice, possibly cute, guy), but is not making every moment magical and exciting.  She wants to wear “swanky outfits,” and go to the corresponding restaurants, probably to feel that her life is more glamorous than it really is, and her poor boyfriend simply isn’t up to the task of making her feel like the special princess she undoubtedly is.

Anyway, to answer the question, the good men haven’t gone anywhere.  Because they don’t exist.  At least in reality.  The good men of which Ruthie speaks exist only in her mind, and that’s where they currently reside.

There are still some bad boys available, though, and they’ll be happy to let you ride their carousel (if you know what I mean).  There might even be a couple nice alphas in the church, but they tend to get snapped up by the submissive hotties pretty early on, so if you’re wondering where they went, you’re probably out of luck.  There are also some nice guys hanging around, but they’re busy getting rejected by girls who find eating burritos to be demeaning. I hope that answers the question.


  1. Where have all the good men gone? They got married to other women who said "yes" to burrito night.

  2. @Prof. Hale- and imagine being one of those poor women, being locked into a relationship with a guy who asks them out to burrito night. The poor dears. Their lives must be full of constant hardship.

  3. My husband took me out for burritos when we dated. I fail to see where the insult is in that.

  4. @Elspeth- well, you're probably not an entitled American princess (tm). For sane women, being asked to share a life with a man is generally viewed as a compliment, even if there are occasions where sharing lives amounts to going out for burritos. But to entitled American princesses (tm), it is a grave indignity to be asked out on such a mundane outing.

  5. She sounds fat and entitled. Perhaps her weight is what prompted the man to ask her out on a high-calorie date: she likes food.

    Youth group band leaders are typically effeminate minstrels with bad tats and earwear, eyewear, and haistyles left over from the 90s. Evangelichicks dig them for some reason.

    The stupidity of evangelicalism and the lack of any resemblance of it to the Protestantism from which it sprang are the reasons I left it 10 years ago.

    I met my wife when she was 22 and we were married by the time she was 23.5. Marriagable Christian women get married early.

  6. NVMD: she's hawt:

    Welp, I can't figure this one out. Evangelical churches are typically filled with lames so maybe she's fishing in the wrong hole.

  7. Wow, I'm failing pretty hard here. She already is married, confirming everything I've stated about marriagable Christian women getting married early.

    "The charged response to my husband’s blog post “Real Men Don’t Text” revealed women’s frustration with text messages, video games, and guys who still act like frat boys. "

  8. @PRCalDude- It's pretty simple: the guy who texted her was beta. That's she's happily married, presumably to an alpha who eschews texting in favor of calling directly, is simply proof that she's rationalizing her disgust with a beta from her past. It wasn't being texted to meet up for burritos that was a turnoff, it was the guy texting her that was a turnoff. Given her looks, she was probably right to turn him down. But, given that she, like all women, has a fully functioning rationalization hamster, she's not entirely sure why she turned him down, and now that she's (presumably) with an alpha that thinks texting is dumb, she now has the perfect rationale for her past disgust.

  9. Yeah, that.

    Hot women seem to love contempt from alphas. Alphas show contempt by texting, thus hot women love texts such as "Bring the movies" from alphas.

  10. @PRCalDude- maybe not contempt as much as indifference. They want to know that a man is not going to be slave to their whims. Of course, antagonism tends to prove this point pretty effectively, so maybe they do like contempt after all.

  11. Burriots are one of my favorite foods..

  12. @Jennifer- I figure the issue wasn't so much the request as it was the one making the request.

  13. Well, she did seem to mock the establishment too. I'm not that picky.