The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 by Athol Kay
I meant to write this review sooner, but someone stole the book from me and I didn’t reacquire it until last night. As such, I apologize for the lateness.
The Primer is, in a word, perfect. While its intended audience is unhappily married men, this book can and should serve as a reminder for happily married men as well as a road map of sorts for the single man who wishes to get married one day. Even those who are simply pick-up artists should be able to find some value in this book, as it has a wide variety of applications.
The most interesting part of the book, at least to me, is the part on body agenda, particularly the discussion on the role of neurochemicals in the pair-bonding process (and since Athol is a nurse, you can trust his expertise in this area). Understanding the science of attraction and what triggers attraction is crucial, for the Male Action Plan (henceforth MAP), as laid out in the book, is contingent on the man taking the lead in the relationship and doing what he can to bring back the feelings of attraction that his wife once had for him. This proactive and largely positive approach is wonderful because it affirms that men do, in fact, have some control over the destiny of their marriage.
The MAP is also quite useful, for it provides men with a clear and relatively concise guide to filling their proper role in marriage. Being in good physical shape is important, obviously, for a wide variety of reasons, but the MAP is more concerned with taking up the reins of leadership. Athol describes how to lead one’s wife by “instigating, isolating, and escalating,” which is Game 101. He also explains how to lead one’s family by comparing the husband-wife relationship to Star Trek’s captain and first officer chain-of-command. As can be guessed, being the leader in the relationship and of one’s family is something most women (and presumably one’s wife) will find attractive.
Athol also discusses fitness testing, and is one of the few men who addresses the subject reasonably. Not everything is a fitness test, obviously, but the key is sorting out fitness tests from reasonable requests, which Athol handles quite masterfully.
Fitness testing is explained within the context of being a nice guy with a hard
on edge. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, as Athol explains, but that doesn’t mean you should act like a doormat or let yourself be taken advantage of. Thus, there is a need to balance being a nice guy (beta traits) with being an exciting jerk (alpha traits), which is the basic theme of the book.
This is a great book, but a couple of warnings are in order. First, this book is not guaranteed to fix all marital problems, particularly those that stem from physical ailments. Additionally, this book is not for the squeamish or prudish, as Athol has no problem with discussing the various aspects of sex (as would generally be indicated by the title itself) in all their highly-detailed glory.
Given the book’s general usefulness, I would unhesitatingly recommend it to any and every married man. If your marriage sucks, this book may be key to turning it around. If your marriage is great, this book can help you maintain course. And if you are planning or otherwise wanting to get married at some point in the future, read this book first; it will provide a solid foundation upon which to build your future relationship. If you’ve already perused the blog and used the principles contained therein to fix your relationship, buy this book as a way to say thank you.